As I wrote in my previous entry, I've been trying new medications over the past few weeks. One of the side effects of many of these medications is that they can cause me to have the Craziest Dreams! I'm one of those people that dreams almost every night, and they are so very detailed and complex. Having a sleep disorder and taking "stay awake" medicine also affects my dreams and their intensities. It's interesting, and I don't mind the crazy dreams, as long as they aren't too scary...
Well, last night I had one of those dreams that you just can't forget, because it really was that freaky, but it's so funny to think about...
I dreamed that I had a baby. Not only did I have a baby, but I had TWINS. Two babies! Not only did I have twins, but I delivered them myself without a doctor in the room and had no anesthesia. And I felt no pain at all. It was so freakishly real, and at some point I realized that I had waited too long to go to the hospital for the delivery, and I just delivered them myself, one at a time. I wasn't scared at all, and the only time I panicked in the dream was when I was trying to make sure they were alive and breathing healthy just after they were born. It gets a little fuzzy here, but in the dream I figured that since I did the delivery on my own then I didn't need to bring the babies to the hospital or anything. But, if I didn't bring the babies to the hospital then I couldn't take maternity leave, which I was obviously worried about. Not worried enough to take them to the doctor, though.
Fast forward in the dream (the babies (2 girls) are alive and healthy, cleaned up, dressed, and hungry).
Let me tell you, I was the worst mother ever. I kept forgetting to feed one of them, and then I'd forget one at home. It was so real at the time though, because I was trying to explain to Scott that I couldn't feed both of them at one time, and he still couldn't figure out why we had two babies in the first place. We lived in some kind of hotel and I kept having to go back to the room, because I would forget one of the babies. There was this security guard that told me that I was skinny, and when I told him I had twins, he didn't believe me.
You want to know what the worst part was? These little babies, that I delivered without even knowing they were coming... they weren't cute at all! They looked like baby trolls. The realistic nature of the dream definitely let me know that I felt absolutely no maternal connection whatsoever. I mean, I forgot to bring one of them with me and forgot that I had to feed the other one! Diaper change... we never got that serious. All I remember is looking down at them wondering how in the world they were mine and thinking that I didn't like them very much.
End of dream.
Now will someone please tell me what in the heck that was all about? I looked up how to interpret your dreams, and this is what I found:
All I know is that I definitely wasn't winning the "Parent of the Year Award" based on my dream performance last night. And even though it was only a dream after all, I still have some kind of pseudo-pride in how well I handled delivering my own children without anesthesia. For a few minutes of sleep, I was some kind of freak of nature... pretty strange, huh?
And I have a feeling that if I am ever in the future going to have twins I will not only know about it well in time to be prepared for the delivery, but I'm banking that I'll think they're the cutest little buggers in the world. As long as they aren't the little trolls from my dream, then we're good. I have several sets of twins on my dad's side of the family and I have one set of identical twin cousins on my mom's side of the family. Given my family history, twins are definitely a possibility in the future, but babies are NOT in the plans right now... Maybe when Evan and Izzy get a little older!
Anyhoo... Just thought I'd share that little story with you and give you a good laugh. I'll write more later!
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