My LATEST MS Episodes (with Video)

FIRST of all, let me tell you: I want to curl up on the couch right now and take a long nap. This cloudy weather messes with my sleep-o-meter! But I won't... so I can write this. Obviously. Of course, I have my little sweetheart, JoJo, my sleepy sidekick who has been with me (well, ON me technically) and she's so warm so it makes it that much harder not to ....z.zzzz......

Speaking of JoJo, she's going on almost 6 years old, and she is getting CRANKY! The funny thing is, as long as you aren't the UPS driver or the cable installer, she doesn't have a problem with you. Unless YOU are trying to have ANYTHING to do with me, WHILE I'M ASLEEP (hence her "protectiveness" in the picture below and the tiny tooth indentions that are currently on Scott's right hand).

Yep, the other day Scott was going to cover me up with a blanket while I was laying on the bed, but as he walked closer, JoJo let out her absolutely MENACING "warning" growl. Of course he ignored her, and as he reached for me, eleven pounds of pure JAWS came out from underneath her own coccoon of covers and nipped his hand. NOBODY messes with her Mama while she sleeps... NOT EVEN DADDY.

This is her, "If you even THINK about touching MY MAMA, you're dead!" look.

You can guarantee that if I'm asleep, she's definitely either sitting on my shoulder or hiding underneath the covers. Without a doubt, nearby.

From 2006

To 2009

2010

2011

And of course, she's a lake dog... As long as she has her clean bottled water, she's good! haha ! (just kidding!)

That's my sweet girl...

Anyhoo... In my recent past posts, I've mentioned that I've felt pretty rotten lately. Actually, rotten is putting it mildly. Honestly, I was pretty much the sickest I've ever been, and I couldn't make anything take away the worst symptom of all: the SPINNING room.

Every time I opened my eyes, the room would spin. And spin. And then spin the other way. For over FOUR weeks! It was like getting off a roller coaster all day long.

And all of those tricks I've heard that you're supposed to try when you're drunk... they don't even work. Don't act like you don't know which tricks I'm talking about: Lay in bed and keep one foot flat on the floor, try to reverse the spinning, Tylenol constantly, eat bread... All those weird things. No relief.

You know what it was? I was having withdrawals from one of my going off one of my medications. (I guess that means I'm addicted to it then? Weird to think that.)

It was Adderall, which I take for Hypersomnia and Chronic Fatique, or to keep me awake. I used to take Nuvigil, but it gives me this awful pressure in the back of my head that lingers for a while after I've quit taking the medicine. AND the BIGGEST downside was that it makes birth control ineffective... and we do not need any little Mini-Chelsea's or Mini- Scotty's running around right now. Izzy and Evan wouldn't complain, but I have to get myself regulated and consistent and then have some Chelsea and Scott time before we plan for that journey.

Anyway, the pharmaceutical companies are having issues producing the type of Adderall that I was taking, but that wasn't the beginning of the problem. The problem started because Miss Priss (me) let her prescription run out, and my doctor has to mail the prescription to me because it is a controlled medication. And considering that his office is in Cullman, Alabama, which is 3 and a half hours away, it's easier to mail it than to hop in the car and trek up there.

So, on that Monday (I can't remember the date, but it was several weeks ago) I took my last pill and realized that I was out. Completely out. So I started to freak out, and flash light in hand, I was doing what I like to call the "Drug Addict Scramble" where I frantically scrounge around flat on the floor, shining the light underneath the fridge and cabinets and under the bed trying to make sure I didn't drop a random pill somewhere. And needless to day, unfortunately I had been very careful and I found no extra meds hiding anywhere.

So on..... Scott called my doctor's office first thing Monday morning and they said they would mail out my prescription right away. Tuesday came, mail came, no prescriptions. By Wednesday morning, I was pretty much at the hallucinating state where I was sick as a DAWG.... in the bed, throwing up... and so on. And after the mail came, no meds. I was too sick to even walk to the mailbox, and by the time Scott got home to check the mailbox to see if it had come, the doctors office was closed for the day.

Thursday morning, he was back on the phone, and they said they hadn't mailed the prescription yet, but they would get it in the mail as soon as possible. WHAT?!?!?!  At this point, I was taking Phenergan, because I was so nauseous, and that would actually knock me completely out. I finally asked Scott to call the doctors office back ( I couldn't really talk on the phone well) and ask them to call me in my Nuvugil, the sleep medicine I mentioned earlier. I didn't care what kind of head pressure I had, if they would just call me in the medicine, I would deal with the pain later. And luckily, they mailed the prescription that day and they also called in my Nuvigil to hold me over until I could get the Adderall filled.

Well, Friday the prescription for Adderall arrived in the mail, and Scott had it at the pharmacy first thing, only to find out that not only did the pharmacy not have any of the kind I needed in stock, but NO pharmacies had it in stock, and they wouldn't be receiving anymore until maybe JANUARY, if they even started making it again at all. Talk about rock bottom!!

So, at this point, it was Friday and the weekend was about to start and while I was awake, the pressure in my head was excruciating! Scott got back on the phone with the doctors office, and asked them if they could call me in a steroid to stimulate me and if there was anything equivalent to Adderall that they could call me in that would not have to be mailed. And luckily the nurse gave me the steroid with no problem and said there was a medicine that was almost the same as Adderall that did not require a mail in, and she called it in for me.

What we didn't realize is this: MOST people take Adderall to help them focus. They don't specifically take Adderall to keep them awake. I take Adderall, because it has a stimulant in it that keeps me awake AND helps me focus. Well, when the nurse looked at the medicine and saw Adderall, she immediately thought I was taking it to focus, so she did indeed call me in another similar medication that was designed to help people focus and help brain function. But, the new medication did NOT have a stimulant in it, and we didn't know this. And we also didn't know that the stimulant was pretty much what keeps me normal and functioning. And so it began.

I took my medicine on time, every day, just like I had been. But every day I got more sick and more sick. And it was ALL cognitive! I couldn't even watch a movie without the subtitles on, and I was like a complete zombie. I wasn't happy, and I wasn't sad. I was just there. Then, as a result, my regular muscle relaxer, the same one that I have taken since MAY quit working to relax the muscles in my neck and it started to create what was called a brain fog. And a brain fog is putting it mildly.

Most of the time, I couldn't even hold my head up without having a neck pillow behind it, and then on top of that, I could hardly carry on a conversation. I was pretty good at faking it, like over Thanksgiving, but gosh I was so so sick. Everything was SO overwhelming, and I don't think I've cried that much in a while. I cried half the way to Thanksgiving lunch, because Scott said he was going to pack up some boxes in the house. Why? I have absolutely no idea.

I hated it, because we had the kids over Thanksgiving, and I was completely out of  it. I wasn't speaking like out of my head or anything, but I really wasn't speaking at all, and I slept a lot. I told Scott that I was in my own world, and it was so completely lonely there, because no one could see what was going on. It was literally all in my head. The pain in my neck and the back of my head was so bad that I told Scott that if a doctor had told me that there was a surgery to relieve the pain, but I only had a 25% chance of surviving the surgery, I would have had it in a heartbeat! That's how bad it was!

I finally went back to the doctor last Tuesday, and my neurologist caught the mistake immediately. Bad news is that I can't take the muscle relaxer I had been originally taking. I'm not sure why, but the cognitive fog it causes is just too much to handle. The good news is, Dr. LaGanke started me on another ADD stimulant to keep me awake. It's called Focalin, and not only does it keep me awake, but it also takes the anxious edgy feeling away that Adderall caused! So it's a win win win either way! He also gave me another muscle relaxer to take every day and my neck pain is completely gone. I've also had a lot of ups and downs and downs and downs with depression over the past few months due to the placement of my lesions and the MS in general. It's not that I'm sad, but more that it's completely out of my control, so he started me on Abilify, and so far it's awesome! The only problem I'm currently having is random headaches, like regular headaches on the top of my head (which is wierd to me), but thankfully I'm noticing a trend with the pain: lack of food. Before, when I was on the other medication, I could go a pretty good while without too much food and I was fine. With this new medication, I have to eat three meals a day or I'll get an awful migraine. If that's all I have to do... I'm fine with that! Actually, I had lost down to 92 pounds, skin and bones, and between the sickness and the steroids, I've gained 22 pounds back! I now weigh 114 and while I don't feel as "fit" I know that I am where I need to be. The steroids made me eat like everything in the house... literally!

I actually recorded a short clip one day when I was at home sick, and I was laying in the floor in such a huge amount of pain. I recorded it, because I wanted to be able to remember what it was like when it went away, just in case I needed to be reminded to not take the good times for granted. I've struggled with whether or not I was going to show it to anyone, but if I can figure out how to do it, I'll upload it to here. I've been honest with you from the beginning, and I guess I'll get a little more honest with you.

Let me remind you though: I was REALLY sick, so I look really bad, and I don't look like myself. I just don't want friends to watch it and get upset! I am so much better now, and more like my old self than I have been in a while! I'll tell you what... I'll share this one with you, and then tomorrow or the next day, I'll upload a better video of me now so you can get some good news too! (Excuse my hair! haha)

I figured it out, so here is the link!

Video of my WORST sick day (WARNING...I'm really upset, I'm better now!)

Talk to you later!!

Love you all,
Chel

Wig: To Wear or Not To Wear?

Do you ever have those mornings where you wake up and you just feel kind of... gross? Like in the 7 hours since you went asleep something crawled in your bed, made your hair freak out, made your eyebrows grow into a unibrow, tinted your freckles a little darker, made your face a little puffy, and kind of "mis-aligned" your eyes? Then when you look in the mirror for the first time, you actually scare yourself? Well, welcome to my morning. 

Since my hair went from Long Layers to Barely There Bob, the main adjustment I've had to make is understanding how my hair manages to do what it does from the time I lay my head down to the time I wake up. First of all, there is this totally flat part where my head was pressing against the pillow, and absolutely nothing except a total head soak can make that part go back together. Then somehow, the front part of my hair kinks up and turns into this psychotic 1980's looking "Poof", like a wave or something. Kind of like this...

Every time I see this picture, I hysterically crack up. When I see something similar staring back at me first thing in the morning... NOT so funny. 

For the most part, I've enjoyed my short hair and I enjoy how easy it is to fix quickly. The only problem is that I don't leave the house very often, so I don't feel the need to fix it all the time. In other words, with long hair I could throw it up in a ponytail and look decent in public. With short hair, I can't put it up in a ponytail and I HAVE to fix it at least a little before I leave the house (if I don't people will think I don't shower or something). Long hair is manageable... Short hair thinks for itself. 

My hair has grown out quite a bit since I cut it in July, and as with any situation patience is the key virtue here. I'm not rushing the growing out process, and I trim here and here to make small changes, but I'd like a little more length than what I have now. I told Scott the other day that black women are so much smarter than white women in the hair department. As a white girl, we go to the salon and torture our hair with bleaches and highlights and cuts and straightening creams over and over. Black women... they pop in their weave or wear their wig and they get to change their hair all the time! 

White women used to wear wigs like 50 years ago, so why did that trend stop? I personally would love to have a wig collection of about 12 different cuts, colors, and styles to choose from on any given day. Just pull your fav. style of the day on and go about your day. Then, when you come home, you can pull the wig off, and that's it! I'm not sure when wigs stopped being popular, but I'm being completely serious when I say that I wish they weren't so taboo.

I mean, look at patients that are undergoing chemo treatments. There are so many people who donate their hair to Locks of Love to make wigs for people who have lost their hair, but do we ever think about how uncomfortable people are when they're forced to wear a wig. I guess it's like this: 

Sometimes I can be standing in a crowded room and nothing but "life" is going on. But there's this weird feeling that seems to be around me, a feeling that makes me feel somewhat...different in some way. Like I don't quite fit in, because I'm not healthy and perfect like everyone else. It's hard to explain.  Now I'm sure everyone has felt this from time to time during some low points, so you know that it's a lonely feeling to feel like you don't fit it. If I were standing in a room, and I was wearing a wig because I didn't have much hair and I had no other options, I would feel like I fit in a lot better if there were five or six more women in the room that also wore one too, even if it was because they just wanted to! It's weird, but not having much hair can make you feel a little naked sometimes. 

It seems like it is acceptable to wear fake hair extensions that cost a fortune but it's not as acceptable to wear an entire wig.. what is that? And you can say it's acceptable all you want, but you know that there'a always going to be that person that whispers, "You see that girl over there? Her hair is fake. It's a wig." and there you go.

Let's look at some women who have fashioned wigs from time to time, whether it be for fun or from hair loss. Bet you didn't even notice they were wearing one as you admired their BEAUTIFUL hair...

hmm.... All it would take would be some fashion magazine to decide that wigs are in for this season, and the whole world would be buying one. Do you  think they will ever come back? I wish they would!

What I Dreamed About...

So, I've posted the whiny "poor poor pitiful me" post, and now I'm working on a little more "light-hearted" blog entry. But you must be warned... See, for me, "lighthearted" means random. Really random thoughts. Welcome to my crazy mind...

As I wrote in my previous entry, I've been trying new medications over the past few weeks. One of the side effects of many of these medications is that they can cause me to have the Craziest Dreams! I'm one of those people that dreams almost every night, and they are so very detailed and complex. Having a sleep disorder and taking "stay awake" medicine also affects my dreams and their intensities. It's interesting, and I don't mind the crazy dreams, as long as they aren't too scary...

Well, last night I had one of those dreams that you just can't forget, because it really was that freaky, but it's so funny to think about...

I dreamed that I had a baby. Not only did I have a baby, but I had TWINS.  Two babies! Not only did I have twins, but I delivered them myself without a doctor in the room and had no anesthesia. And I felt no pain at all. It was so freakishly real, and at some point I realized that I had waited too long to go to the hospital for the delivery, and I just delivered them myself, one at a time. I wasn't scared at all, and the only time I panicked in the dream was when I was trying to make sure they were alive and breathing healthy just after they were born. It gets a little fuzzy here, but in the dream I figured that since I did the delivery on my own then I didn't need to bring the babies to the hospital or anything. But, if I didn't bring the babies to the hospital then I couldn't take maternity leave, which I was obviously worried about. Not worried enough to take them to the doctor, though.

Fast forward in the dream (the babies (2 girls) are alive and healthy, cleaned up, dressed, and hungry).

Let me tell you, I was the worst mother ever. I kept forgetting to feed one of them, and then I'd forget one at home. It was so real at the time though, because I was trying to explain to Scott that I couldn't feed both of them at one time, and he still couldn't figure out why we had two babies in the first place. We lived in some kind of hotel  and I kept having to go back to the room, because I would forget one of the babies. There was this security guard that told me that I was skinny, and when I told him I had twins, he didn't believe me. 

You want to know what the worst part was? These little babies, that I delivered without even knowing they were coming... they weren't cute at all! They looked like baby trolls. The realistic nature of the dream definitely let me know that I felt absolutely no maternal connection whatsoever. I mean, I forgot to bring one of them with me and forgot that I had to feed the other one! Diaper change... we never got that serious. All I remember is looking down at them wondering how in the world they were mine and thinking that I didn't like them very much. 

End of dream.

Now will someone please tell me what in the heck that was all about? I looked up how to interpret your dreams, and this is what I found:

Dreaming About Babies

All I know is that I definitely wasn't winning the "Parent of the Year Award" based on my dream performance last night. And even though it was only a dream after all, I still have some kind of pseudo-pride in how well I handled delivering my own children without anesthesia.  For a few minutes of sleep, I was some kind of freak of nature... pretty strange, huh? 

And I have a feeling that if I am ever in the future going to have twins I will not only know about it well in time to be prepared for the delivery, but I'm banking that I'll think they're the cutest little buggers in the world. As long as they aren't the little trolls from my dream, then we're good. I have several sets of twins on my dad's side of the family and I have one set of identical twin cousins on my mom's side of the family. Given my family history, twins are definitely a possibility in the future, but babies are NOT in the plans right now... Maybe when Evan and Izzy get a little older! 

Anyhoo...  Just thought I'd share that little story with you and give you a good laugh.  I'll write more later! 

Accepting the Inevitable Changes

Well, lately I haven't been able to write in my blog, mail out orders, or really do much of anything. And by lately I mean almost three weeks... that may not sound like much, but imagine getting on a loopy roller coaster three times an hour everyday for three whole weeks. That's the only way to describe what it feels like to have crazy lesions in your brain that are completely unpredictable.

I did happen to run across a new blog, and it has some pretty interesting info. about brain lesions, their affects, and tests conducted (just in case you're in the mood to read). The link is below:

Social Neuroscience Info Blog Link

Ok... back to my own pity party...

When I first felt a little sick, I started out with a couple million sneezes and within a few hours the symptoms were pretty much was resembling the flu virus. I had a bit of fever, but the main symptom was nausea. Let's just say that Phenergan was my best friend that first week.

One day, I laid in the bed all day with the entire room completely spinning, and when I closed my eyes or tried to talk around, the room would spin even more. That was awful. I would force myself to close my eyes, hour after hour, and think about anything soothing that could possibly help me fall asleep. My body and mind were both so exhausted, but the spinning in my head made sleeping virtually impossible. I would fall asleep for 20 minutes, wake up for an hour. Fall asleep for 20 minutes, wake up for an hour. All. Night. Long. for several days days.

Then Scott suggested I try Phenergan for the nausea, and under normal circumstances I would refuse this medicine (I think you know why), which explains why I had a whole prescription from an old doctor's visit still sitting in the refrigerator.  The only thing I could remember was that is was supposed to be used for was nausea, and it would make me really sleepy. PERFECT! About 15 minutes later, I was so sleepy that when Scott was fighting me to wake up and take my medicine, and I was completely out of it. The relief was wonderful. For a little while, anyway.

Then, just when it seemed that the sneezes were going away at the end of that week, and I was clearing up, BAM... I got a fever. When I'm about to have some serious MS issues, I unconsciously tend to favor my left arm and hold my hand a weird way without even realizing it. Which is exactly what came next.

When I did notice that I was favoring my left arm, I knew that I was about to go downhill in the next day or so. Being exhausted from the week-long flu-like symptoms was hard, but I received a new sleep "stay awake" medicine on Thursday, so I figured it would give me the energy to help ward the symptoms off... wrong.

What I didn't realize is fever, even a 1 degree change, aggravates any existing brain lesions, even the ones that don't usually cause major trouble. In other words, the brain lesions are haywire for a while, until the fever is gone at least. And the funny thing about brain lesions is that they are completely unpredictable, and they cause the weirdest symptoms, many dealing with personality and cognitive functions.

See, I have the ability to see this from two angles of understanding:  I lived 23 years just like you, and my main objective was to wake up, make it to work on time, wash the clothes, hang out with friends and family etc, just everyday ins and outs. Sure I got a cold or the flu once a year and whined for a week or so, but then I was back to normal.  I understand "life" from this position, and I know how fast the train of life whizzes by. I have to admit that if I had never had this experience and one of my friends was going through this mess, I probably wouldn't have been patient enough to try to understand. I know this, because more often than not, I'm too impatient enough with myself to try to understand me and what is best for me.

The other angle or position that I understand is the one I'm sitting in right now. That old "Train of Life" is still whizzing by, but I'm no longer one of the passengers. But the reason I say the "Train" of Life, is because for the most part, trains always come back around sooner or later, giving everyone another opportunity to grab on and try to pull yourself up again. There may be a different train and the passengers may have changed, but that's all part of the big plan God has for us. And there is the inevitable, "Kick me when I'm down" that seems to linger everywhere. Eventually, if you keep pushing and pushing on, no matter what setbacks you have, you will eventually make it up on that train before it passes by.

(If I were to keep using the Train of Life analysis to let you know where I am right now, this is what it would be...And yes, I am completely making this up as I go. It's the only way I can explain it!):

Step One: Riding the train (normal life)
Step Two: Falling off the Train (first symptoms)
Step Three: The Train is invisible (diagnosis process)
Step Four: I can hear the Train but I can't see it (Finding peace)
Step Five: I see the train, but it's going WAY too fast to catch up to it (Regaining Strength mentally/physically)
Step Six: I catch up to the train, jump and leap up, but can't quite make it all the way up in the car before I fall back and have to start over. (Learning to Adapt with new limitations for YOU)
Step Seven: After months of persistent jumping, I make it inside the train car, but everything is confusing and unfamiliar. (Learning to make your limitations work with what society expects of you.)
Step Eight: Riding the Train, catching up with everything that is familiar from the past. (Blending into where you first began. Starting to drive more, a little less isolation, rebuilding relationships and finding the new you)
Step Nine: Misjudging balance and distance, and not only do you fall completely out of train, but you fall on a totally different side than you were on the first time. Nothing is familiar, and you don't know where to start over.

This is what I call the Sudden Crash, which is what can happen in a matter of hours, like from a slight fever. It's struggling to regain your strength and making a little bit of ground, only to have to start over from the beginning. It's literally like learning to do normal functions again, because your body just decided it doesn't want to cooperate. And there's no magic medicine or magic pill that will make it better, because no two patients are exactly the same, no two brains are the same, and the symptoms of brain lesions change day to day for each person and then multiply that  over a lot of people, and you will have a million different symptoms that are completely unpredictable and mostly uncooperative.

It's just weird to me, and maybe a little more frustrating than anything. People want me to explain it to them, explain how I feel, why I've changed, what is going on, and I haven't even begun to understand it myself. I've read book after book not only about Multiple Sclerosis, but also about the processes of mentally dealing with any chronic diagnosis.

I know that the first two years are usually the most rocky for the emotional part, and couple that with a disease that scrambles your emotions randomly and you basically have a big ball of crazy sometimes. haha.. I don't think my husband would deny that. While I've been going through the acceptance/diagnosis process, I have found that Hindsight is indeed 20/20 and I don't like that. That means I usually end up hurting me AND others around me while I struggle to find the antidote for my own sanity, acceptance, and most of all, the loneliness of being different. That is overwhelming in itself, because it often feels like there is an expectation of me that I cannot fulfill. I hate to think that I'm letting those closest to me down, but I cannot control this disease any more than the doctor can.

And the biggest curse of all... it's invisible to you. There is nothing that I can do to let you into my skull to really feel the pressure and pain that is inside my neck and my head each day.  I can't make you feel how it feels to be in a constant foggy cloud, or what it feels like to have someone speaking to you and no matter how many times they repeat it, their words just aren't making sense.

I just have to keep pushing on, praying every day, and asking God to give me the strength to keep trying to find relief and to give others patience as well. See, there is nothing I can do to rush the medicines, to find a solution, etc, and my only option is to wake up every day and try again. Try a new medicine to see if it will relieve the pressure in the back of my skull. Try to get out of the house more, and actually interact with other people. I'm doing the best that I can, and that's all I need to know. It's all I can know.

I miss my family and my friends, but I refuse to drive unless I feel completely comfortable with it that day. I don't leave the house much, so when I do leave the house for a day, it's sometimes overwhelming to all of my senses. Processing the sounds and lights and stimuli can be a little exhausting if you aren't used to it. I think one of my biggest issues is definitely what I said earlier, letting people down and disappointing them. It's easy for you to hop in the car for a two hour visit, but it's not easy for me to do that right now. I haven't driven to Montgomery in almost an entire month, and I can't tell you the last time I was in Prattville.

The hard part is that it always seems to feel like it's my fault, like I chose to not drive or like I'm choosing to be sick. Trust me, if I could make this go away and work 40 hours a week with no pain, I would. I didn't want to be in this situation. I didn't want to change my entire life for something so drastic.  Everyone is always like, "We never see you" and "You should come over and visit sometime" and while I am indeed thankful for the invitation, there is so much guilt from that and there is a responsibility on me to make it better. It's like it's my responsibility to see them more often or just magically make the symptoms disappear that one day.

Over the course of the last year or so, I've learned one thing that is essential to my own well-being:

First and foremost, I have to take care of ME. I am the one who has to wake up in the morning and deal with the symptoms. I am the one who has to deal with the bad episodes. And when it comes down to the person who has to hold the weight of this, that person is ME.

I've realized that I can't please everyone, but also that I can't let that bother me all the time. I have a journey to travel, and over the course of that journey, I have faith that I will find new and improved ways to adapt and slowly mingle back into a little more normal life again. I don't think things will be this bad forever, and I truly feel that my health will improve as I learn how to adapt to my limitations. My ability to be flexible will improve, and things will look up. I just hate how lonely the journey is along the way though. Where there used to be close knit relationships, there is now a communication gap and thinned patience by others.


I've opened up a lot in past blog posts, and that's tough to do, exposing yourself to the world. When I get e-mails, comments, or messages about what I've been going through or how someone is praying for me, it gets a little easier to press the "publish" button to share my life. First and foremost, I'm never asking for people to feel sorry for me. I guess I'm asking for time... more time. Time to adjust and learn how to adapt to this. Time to figure out how to rebuild my new life. Time without feeling guilty. I think the mental guilt is the most crippling part of this for me, because people used to expect things from me, expect me to be something, to make something of my life, and to be something special.

But when I tell people what's going on, and you can see the pained expression come across their face, it's almost like there's an invisible banner that says, "That's too bad... she had such potential."  

(This just crossed my mind, and it's so true)
Instead of accepting this disease and trying to learn how to adapt to my limitations, everyone just seems to be sitting around, going on with their lives, just waiting for the old Chelsea to come back. Waiting for the day when I'm back to normal. This is the most true example of all. And it's the one thing that will never happen. Everyone keeps saying, when you feel better we can do this. When you feel better, we can do that. Are some things going to get better? Yes... But as long as you are sitting back waiting for the old Chelsea to come back, you're just wasting your time and widening the gap.

(When I say "Everyone", I don't literally mean everyone around me. Though it may feel that way sometimes, I do have wonderful people that support me endlessly!)

It's just really hard, because I am forced to adapt to what has happened to me. I don't have a choice. But what do you do when everyone around you isn't interested in accepting what's going on? Acceptance is a blessing, but avoidance will kill your spirit. Trust me, I know.

On the other hand, God has given me special friends and family that seem to be there at just the right moment! For them, I am so very thankful.

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All in all, I am still Chelsea. My heart is still the same, and I still have the same desires, goals, etc. I'm learning every day to adapt, and I pray that when I find where I'm supposed to be, that God will put the right people there at the right time! So far, He always answers at the right moment in His time. Frustrating, yes. But to have a God that you KNOW will follow through in the end... that's a huge relief!

More New Jewelry!

Here is another preview of some of the jewelry I have been working on lately. My health hasn't been cooperative for the past few days, but I wanted to take a few minutes to upload these pics, because if they don't get uploaded, they can't be sold, right?... then it's back to bed for me!

Alabama Earrings $14

Blue Triple Earrings $12

Silver Pearl Wire $12

Christmas Presents $12 (Limited Quantity Available!!)

Crimson Tide Earrings $10

Jesus is the Reason For the Season $12

Colorful Pearls $12

Crackle Earrings only $14 (One Pair Available)

Crackle Cream Set $25 (This is a wire strand: ONE set available!)

Pearl Crystal Bead Set $25 (ONE set available!)

Mini Christmas Wreath $15 (Perfect for a bathroom decoration!)
(Only TWO available!)

Message me on Facebook if you are interested in any of my new items! I will get back  with you ASAP, but please be a little more patient than usual as I try to get well!

Love, Chel

Latest News and MORE New Items!

I know, I know... I never posted the informational post I promised the other day. I'm working on sorting out the little details, and I'll post on how you can earn free jewelry ASAP! I know I said I was closing my Make Up and Mud Boutique Facebook shop on November first, but I think I'm going to do this:   I'm going to keep it open right now, but I'm not going to let that be my main place to sell. I'll continue to post new information about new pieces and ordering information, but I think I'm going to use my facebook page to mainly get information out rather than try to sell on there strictly.  I'm getting more custom orders, and keeping my page still gives people a way to contact me, but I'm going to actually list my items on Etsy.

Speaking of Etsy, one of my jewelry keepsake boxes made it in a Treasury this morning! I'm so excited, and this was just the boost I needed to push on today! Here's the link:

Christmas Gifts for the Wife Treasury!

Anywho.... here are a few more of my latest creations! Enjoy!

FYI: For those who are interested in purchasing anything, I list my items in my Etsy Shop for a higher price than I sell to local people. If you see something you would like, please e-mail me or message me with your questions and I'll get back with you. I'll include my contact information below.

Email Address:             makeupandmud@yahoo.com
My Etsy Shop
My FACEBOOK Shop