If you have never visited Alabama during one of our "Scorcher Summers," you really haven't known true heat and exhaustion. Some areas of the United States are comparibly hot with similar temperatures, but Alabama has a special annoying ingredient that God failed to sprinkle on those fortunate comfortable areas: HUMIDITY - the only thing powerful enough to demolish any remnant of Salon Over-Prices Frizz Control Hair Gel.
On a slightly different, more serious note... (And PLEASE share with friends and family!)
I have GOT to tell you what has been going on in my crazy life! I really don't know why, but God has taken a special interest and has been spending a little bit more time with me lately. I must add that He's making me feel kinda special. I had an experience the morning of April 27, 2011 with God, and within less than 15 minutes, my entire outlook on life and my choices changed drastically. I will share my special experience with you in a later post, but for now, we'll just pick up where I am right now with God. Just know that it was as simple as forgetting to pay the power bill.
A little bit of my past spiritual information: I was saved and baptised & I asked Jesus to come into my heart when I was seven years old. I grew up in a church in central Alabama called Camellia Baptist Church... Yes, I'm an old Southern Baptist Girl! The first song I ever sang in church was called "Casual Christian" and I sang it on stage in front of the whole church with my oldest best friend, Kristin Autrey, when we were about 6 years old. From that moment on, I took voice lessons and sang in church as often as possible until I turned 18. I was in the choir at church for 14 years, and I was at church almost every Sunday morning and night. I enjoyed church, but I was also at the age where I had a lot of friends at there, so that definitely made church more enjoyable to me at that time.
Even though I knew God and I grew up in His house, only now do I realize that I had no real concept of what being a Christian really meant. I knew the "standard" Bible verses (John 3:16, Genesis 1:1, etc) and I knew the little Bible stories they tell you when you are little (Jonah and the Whale, Noah and the Ark, etc). There was one major disconnect though, and it took me 24 years to make that connection thrive: While I knew the facts, I did not truly understand what the REAL effect God could and would have on your life if you did indeed choose to follow Him.
I knew what He promises us and I knew how He said we should live our lives according to His plan. But I never truly realized and understoon why if indeed you do choose to live in God and follow His will, you will still have pain and hurt. Truth is, God never promised us that he would take all of our pain away forever and let us live a life of complete bliss while on Earth. In fact, God knows that you will indeed suffer on Earth, and some of it will be in His name. This is where I got lost...
I sang for the last time in church just after I turned 18 and graduated high school, and it has all been downhill from there. I can probably count on two hands and two feet how many times I have been to church for "church" reasons. When I graduated, I lived in Tuscaloosa for one semester and went to the University of Alabama. That semester, I believe I went to church two times, and I lived right across from a huge church and right beside the student ministry center, but I still didn't go. I had no interest in waking up early without Mama making me. At the beginning of my second semester in college, I started working at Martin Funeral Home in Clanton, AL. I worked there a little over a year, and I went to church about five times that year. But, I heard about 350 funerals that year, several a week, so I felt like I was in church all the time. So you may think, "Well, great, you were still hearing the good news of the Lord!" Well, yes, I was hearing the good news about my God, and every other God in every other religion. I was attending mortuary school, so I had to take a funeral religion class, on top of all of the funerals I heard. In the class, I learned about funerals and religion from the beginning of time, and things just started to get confusing.
There are people who believe you spend like 3000 years in orbit after you die and people who believe you have to put a coin in your mouth to pay to get into "heaven" and people who won't let you embalm their dead for religious reasons. These three examples are just the beginning of a whole new world I was exposed to. When you sit in a room and listen to a preacher read the same Bible that you have always read and he seems to make it say something different than what your preacher says on Sunday morning, how do you think that would make you feel as a person who is alreadt on shaky religious ground? A little bit shakier right? Well, you can insert commas and make sentences say completely different things, but I know that if God wanted commas in certain sentences, He would have put them in there when he wrote the Bible! He doesn't make mistakes!
Suddenly, the solid beliefs I had been taught all of my life started to seem a little blurry, and I caught myself questioning who's belief was real. When you attend funerals, you are not only hearing about God and Jesus, but you are hearing the real information about what other religions believe happens to you when you die, and that's not really something I want to "hope" I am on the right track about. I was truly confused, but I also had the strangest sensation in my heart. The Bible says you are not supposed to question God, but I felt that throughout this entire process, I had a deal with God. He let me know that I had enough time to figure this out, and He would give me the right amount of time. Never once did I fear that I would die without making my final conclusion, because God was patient with my discovery. Well except that one time at 2 a.m. when I thought someone was breaking into my house to kill me, but turns out it was a wild maneating armadillo...haha. Seriously, I knew in my heart that no matter what, I would always believe what MY Bible says, but I just had to figure out why I believed it, and "Because my parents told me God was real" was no longer applicable in my situation. I needed to learn about God myself.
So, my April 27 "Awakening" was pretty much a miracle in my own life. I was SO so lost... and so miserable. I would have wreaked havoc on my new marriage if I had not been open to ANYTHING to make me actually want to wake up each morning. We had been married a little over one month, and Scott was probably already wondering why in the world he married me. I was miserable, I was making him miserable, and I was just simply... depressed.
What I failed to see is ths: If God hands you a "LIFE" folder with an awful situation or circumstance where you are in pain or you are hurting inside, do not make the mistake of grabbing the folder hastily and running away. If you take the time to accept the folder and genuinely thank Him for what it holds, He will give your the ability to see the HUGE suitcase He has also placed at your feet. What could possibly be in a suitcase that big? In that special suitcase God has placed the specific tools you need to fight this enemy with Him and persevere in that situation. And the best part is that God hand selects those tools just for you, meaning no one else can use them and you must value and protect them always. The pain you felt when you first opened that folder will be demolished when you open this suitcase, but sadly, most people don't take the time for God to sharpen their tools before they ride off into battle alone.
Remember the Bible story about the boy, David, and the giant, Goliath? Now can you imagine some little boy getting up here with his rinky-dink slingshot, trying to find a stone small enough to fit in the little bands, his knees shaking like crazy while this GIANT is threatening his life? And the whole time God is SO calmly telling him to "Chill Out!" and "He's got David's 'back'?" I'd imagine David was probably thinking, "I get that God, I really do and I know you got my back, but Goliath is in FRONT of me at this very moment..." haha. In the end, David had to trust God, and not the kind of trust where he thought, "Ok, I'm going to try to shoot this stone at Goliath, but if in fact God does let me down and I miss the shot, I'm going to kick Goliath in the shin and run!" No, thinking like this would definitely have been easy in a situation like that, but David had to trust God in every single way, with his whole heart. And if I've learned anything lately, I definitely have learned that God knows the difference in half-a-trust and whole-trust in Him... I know this, because He lets me know when I'm not listening. By the way, by trusting God to protect him, David did kill Goliath with one single teeny tiny stone and a slingshot. An old fashioned ancient HANDMADE slingshot. Without one of those fancy hand cushions or sights to aim like all the spoiled sissy boys use now...
(Modern Version: It would be a case of one bullet in the chamber of a Ruger 22 and you have to defeat a T-Rex Dinosoar with that one shot.... Not likely, huh?)
In other words, lets use my scenario: God decided he wanted to give me Multiple Sclerosis, and while that stinks and highly wreaks havoc on my ability to have wonderful high heel wearing days, I still have to take what I am dealt. That's life. At least I still have legs. Personally I worry more about cutting my big toe off, because I heard that's where your balance comes from and I'm such a teeter totter as it is, I would look like a wobbly goober if I didn't have my big toe.... We all have wierd fears though... :)
Often, when people find out they have a debilitating illness or disease, they are angry at God and they wallow around in self pity and pain, constantly asking God why He chose them and whining and complaining and well, basically... freaking out about it. One mistake often made is when sufferers pray, they ask God to heal them and make them better, which is understandable. But, they often fail to ask God for His will to be done in the situation. They do not take the time to ask God to give them the ability to fight the disease and for him to make their hearts peaceful and tell them how they are to fight with Him. I truly think that most people don't ask God for these things, because they don't realize that they can or they truly don't know how. Some people haven't been taught how to pray to God.
One HUGE thing I have realized is that anyone can read the Bible, just like I can go read my old Chemistry book. The problem is that unless God has given them the ability to receive what they read, they won't truly grow from the words they read. There is the division between reading scripture and reading words. You have to listen to God so that he can translate what you read. I never listened to my Chemistry teacher any of the three times I took the class in high school, and I still don't understand the periodic table. I'm kidding around about chemistry, but seriously, don't wake up and think you can open the Bible and read Psalms and then your life will be changed instantly by what you read. You have to WANT to read it, but you also have to TRUST God to open your heart and BELIEVE that God will guide your eyes and your hands. He will indeed show you what to read, but you have to trust that He will. You have to be receptive and curious about what God is telling you. I used to think that I would wake up each motning and actually WANT to read the Bible... Well, I do that each morning and I truly look forward to it, but the road getting there was not as simple as I thought.
Some people look at parents who have had a child pass away, and they can't even allow themselves to think about the pain those parents must be feeling. Having worked numerous funerals and done autopsies on hundreds of infants and children, I have seen my fair share of watching people suffer for reasons they do not understand. Do you remember when two year old Bronner (Cornbread) Burgess, (Rick Burgess's son from the Rick and Bubba show) drowned in the family pool in January 2008? It was a freak accident, but in an instant, an entire family was shattered. Here are a few pictures of the family.
What I find meaningful about this story is what took place at the memorial service for Bronner. Rick Burgess, grieving father to a dead son and husband to a grieving wife, gave his son's eulogy in front of thousands of people. What is so special is that throughout the service, Rick maintained an eery control over his body, his words, his mind, and his heart for the entire time. What you would expect from a situation like that is a father that is so distraught and overcome with grief, calmed only by anxiety medication and, so filled with pain that he cannot possibly even think of his child without sending his mind into total torment. In reality, Rick Burgess turned his pain over to God, and he chose to use this accident as an opportunity to distribute knowledge and information about God's love to thousands of people. Rick truly trusted God with the situation, and when you watch the eulogy video, it is evident that something much higher than manmade capabilities is powering that entire situation. While Rick still felt pain from the situation, God gave Rick the gift of peace. God used Rick as a vessel to carry information to other people, and Rick accepted this challenge. In return, the pain that the non-believer would have in the same situation would be far greater than what God allowed
Rick to feel during that time and the pain he will continue to endure until Rick is joined with Bronner in heaven one day. The point is, Rick actually aleviated the worst part of the pain by giving it back to God.
(*Rick's wife, Sherri Burgess is also standing strong in her faith. You can see her utilizing her gifts by clickin the link below.*)
http://www.thealabamabaptist.org/print-edition-article-detail.php?id_art=11164&pricat_art=1
In other words, God will give you a terrible situation to endure. All you have to do is accept the situation and then give it RIGHT BACK TO HIM in prayer and the peace and strength he will INSTANTLY give you will be far more powerful than any pain you even felt to this point. I promise that He will take your problems back if you just offer them to Him... Every Single Time! That seems like a more than fair bargain if you ask me! As a result of society refusing to share our problems with God, we, yes WE, actually bring an enormous amount of avoidable pain and suffering on ourselves and turn around and blame God for putting us in the situation. God probably just shakes his head and rolls his sparkly eyes and says for the zillionth time, "Child, calm down and GIVE IT TO ME! If you want me to help you, you have to allow me inside your problems."
What I find ironic is the laid back approach God takes to our situation, the patience he exhibits. It's similar to a stubborn wife who is determined to fix the washing machine, knowing full well that her husband could do it much faster and he already knows how to do it. But she's too stubborn to hand over the reigns so she does it the hard way. God takes the approach of the husband saying, "Fine, you want to do it yourself, go right ahead. I've tried to help you, but you won't let me. So you're just going to have to do it the hard way and learn for yourself." Eventually, the wife will hand over the job, but only after she exhausts all possibilities and lays down her pride and admits defeat. And while we are on that topic, why are we wives so hesitant to admit our failures to our husbands? Seriously, what do we think they are going to do if we admit that we are wrong and they are right? My husband, who is genuinely confused about my sudden transformation, would probably have a heart attack and make me repeat my admission of defeat so many times to make sure he heard me clearly that I would just get mad all over again and the whole point would be lost. We may be Christians... but we are still women!!
To Sum It Up: You find yourself in the middle of a painful situation, like you may lose your job. Ok, so you pray and ask God to be with you and your employers as they make the final selection. Ask God to watch over the situation and for His will to be done throughout the process. Rebuke Satan from the situation in the name of God, and he will NOT be allowed to have any impact at all on the situation!
So, you go to work the next morning, and BAM! You...... Still lost your job anyway. Hey Wait!? I thought you prayed about this and God loves you and He wants to give you everything you want and He will answer all of your prayers everyday, right? What?... No. I totally never said that. So before you freak out and have a hissy fit and swear never to pray again, you have to follow through with the rest of the prayer and TRUST what you pray. Ask God to continue to watch over the situation, and tell him that you know He has a plan for your life. Ask Him to open your eyes so that you may see the way He is leading you, Ask not only for Him to give you peace about situation, but ask him to ALSO give your spouse and your family peace. You are a TEAM, and you may be as peaceful as a lamb, but if you are married to someone like, Oh I don't know, Madonna... I'd imagine she's not going to naturally be as peaceful as you are unless you do some serious praying for her. Your spouse needs your prayers too, because they too need to have pace and understanding about the situation.
Ok, now that you have prayed, just watch. Well, that's not totally true, you still have to obey God and live a Christian lifestyle, but don't worry, He will also give your your very old tool bag in that situation too. He's the most reliable friend I have, and sadly, God is the friend that I have most abused, neglected, and hurt in my lifetime. And He still loves me. Always.
Throughout my discovery process, I have had this new desire to read, read, read scripture, devotionals, Bible verses, etc. I am ashamed to admit that on April 27, I had to actually search for my Bible in order to read it. That should show you how long it had been since I cracked it open. As I look at it now, filled with sticky notes, highlights, scribbles, and random pieces or paper marking inspirational readings, I am thankful for the teeny little distance I have traveled since that day. When you are lost and away from God, it seems so so tiring and stressful and debilitating to start from the bottom and build up your relationship with God to where it needs to be. I know what it is like to look at other people and just know in your heart that their mansion in heaven is going to have so much prettier
"bling" on it, because then you sink a little when you imagine your tiny pinestraw hut that God built you on the Sinner's Court. I was satisfied with a tiny little set of wings when I get to heaven, but I was hoping to work out a deal with God so he would let me "bedazzle" them a little so I could have a little shine... At the rate I was going, one of my wings would have been broken and I would have to resort to flying around in circles, flapping constantly without ever gaining any air...When you imagine this highly unrealistic scenario, growing a relationship with God seems hopeless, because everyone else seems to be so far ahead of you, so you convince yourself that you will never catch up with them, so why try? Am I right? That's exactly how I felt for years!
The amazing thing is that the truth is so far from what you are thinking. In one month, I have come farther with God that I have in my entire life. I do not belive "Time" in heaven is anything like it is on Earth, and you have to realize that your relationship with God also travels at a different speed than anything you have ever seen on Earth. He may be in Heaven and you may not know what it looks like yet, but God is so sweet to allow us to have a simple taste of what it must be like there in the way that he forms his relationship with us. You will literally feel yourself almost "float" when you start to realize that everything everyone said was true, and God really does what He says! It's an amazing realization!
On a side note, I have become fascinated with little lambs, because Jesus was always so gentle to them. The pictures I have found just make me all warm inside...
I used to be more hotheaded and stubborn than I am now. I still get angry and upset and grouchy, but I do often choose to pray and ask God to take my anger away right that instant. It's strange, because you still know that you were hurt by the situation, but your heart suddenly doesn't ache quite as bad as it once did. How many times have you been in a situation with your spouse where you jut KNEW that you could NEVER forgive him/her and you guess you would just have to tolerate them for the rest of your life, because you would NEVER forgive them? Well, every time you may think you forgive, but truthfully, if you don't ask God to help you then you are just placing another brick on the wall you build to keep God out of your marriage! Imagine if you asked for God to take away your pain
everytime your husband or wife trampled on your feelings? And imagine if evey time God came to your rescue? Well, guess what? He really truly does. Believe me, if God can calm my temper and make me rational, then He definitely can do the same for you even better. The fact that I can even all myself an irratonal argue-er is a miracle in itself, because I turn into an angry lioness when I'm upset and I used to would eat my prey alive when I was angry.... Yea, lets just don't ask Scott about that! I'm a work in progress...
What I have found is that I have more patience and peace than I have ever known. I am still in pain a lot physically, but I do not ask God to heal me, for I have received more gifts in life since I have been sick than I ever would have accepted if I was healthy. I have a new outlook on life, and I have learned to embrace the challenged of MS. Now don't get me wrong, I still have those low, really low, nights where I cry and I hurt. But, I don't hurt nearly as bad as I used to. My heart doesn't hurt anymore.
Trust me, when you are standing at rock bottom, your feet are never on solid ground. I will forever be thankful that I am one of the blessed ones that chose to help myself out of a pity party depression, and I have learned how to live for the first time in my life! I LOVE it, even with my trials! I have found that my voice has had a certain element added to it that is soothing and it takes over when I start to speak of this experience. I call it my, "Preacher Voice." haha... Words just come out that were once so foreign to me.
To come from where I was to where I am now in my faith in one month is only the work of God himself.
I myself am just learning to grasp the magnitude of all of these new concepts, but it's the easiest learning I have ever done. And you know what I feel like? SMARTER! I know that sounds funny, but I feel like I am suddenly like a freakishly smart genius. I mean, I always knew I was like "So
Incredibly Smart" but Now I am definitely abusing the privilege... haha... like I have found the ticket to happiness, love, life, marriage... Is that not the coolest thing?
One thing keeps sticking out to me, and I have no idea what it means? Maybe someone will read this and make sense of it in their lives. The sentence I keep running over and over in my head is:
"Jesus really loves the children in Heaven." Why do I keep thinking that? I found a couple of pictures that seem to illustrate what I'm thinking.
I genuinely hope someone takes something special away from this post, and I will continue to post on my progress. I would like for you to travel with me during the week as I learn more and go through my daily devotionals. We will definitely be learning together, because I am baffled by what I learn each day. I hope it never quits... tell me what you think! Say your prayers tonight!!
