My Plan for the New Year... Or Plan(s)

Well the new year is rapidly approaching... Act Surprised.  I'm sorry, haha, but I just had to write that last sarcastic line, because the sentence before it is one of those "Duh! No, Really?" lines. 

• I'm not sure if you have noticed before now, but I try to write to you like I would if I were actually talking to you. Therefore, I really try hard not to erase the stupid lines or sentences that I might not have thought through all the way. Why? Because if I was actually talking to you in person, I would have actually said the sentence without thinking. Does this make sense to anyone? Bottom Line: This is me. These words are mine. I admit that I can speak before I think, or in this case, write before I think. And I'm not erasing it just to make myself look like I'm totally together all the time. Cause I'm not. Hardly ever.  

On to our BIG topic today: Do you have any great new years resolutions? Yes, I'm sure there are the usual resolutions like:

• I'm going to lose 50 pounds this year.
• I'm going to join a gym and go 5 days a week. (DON'T sign a contract!)
• I'm going to pay off my credit card debt.
• I'm going to floss twice a day

Ok, well maybe that last one has never crossed your "Resolution List," but hey, you never know. For some anti-flossers, that may be a BIG commitment.

Anyway, I've a confession... (bahaha... that made me laugh out loud, because while I meant to write "I Have" a confession, the way I wrote it sounds kind of Foreign 1920's with an accent if you say it out loud... I've a confession... lol.)

Let's try that again: I HAVE a mildly shocking confession...

Ive NEVER had a New Years Resolution before.

I say "mildly shocking," because I'm only 24, so what serious thing could I have resolved to do in my life before now... make good grades? That would be a... sometimes.

This year, I'm going to be making my first New Years Resolution, and it's a little tricky to say the least. Remember my past ADD blog entry? (If you don't, click Past ADD Blog Entry. )
Well, I haven't yet mastered the art of narrowing down my lists yet, so my New Years Resolution is actually a Master List with many other Major Resolution List topics that also have Mini Resolutions below them. Remember this:

New Years Resolution
      1.Major Topic
              1a. Mini Topic
              1b. Mini Topic
      2. Major Topic
              2a. Mini Topic
              2b. Mini Topic

Get my drift? I think the main problem stems from one main issue: I want 2012 to be SO different from what 2011 was for me. This past 2011 year was full of ups and downs, with MANY more down days than up days, and I want 2012 to be the complete opposite. I desperately want 2012 to be a wonderful year, full of so many ups that I can't even remember what it feels like to be down.

If you have followed any of my past posts, you know that I have struggled with gaining control over my Multiple Sclerosis this past year, and I was largely unsuccessful most of the time. Thankfully, God has allowed me to kind of wrap up the 2011 year with a little more closure and control than I've had all year. As a result of such a crazy rollercoaster of a year and the effects of the placement of my brain lesions, I've also struggled with depression almost consistenly for the entire year.

Many people who have never been exposed or dealt with depression don't realize how difficult it is to find the perfect medication for depression or what happens if you have a bout with a medication that seems to do more harm than good.

Now imagine this:

Imagine trying to make all of these medications work successfully together EVERY DAY, all the while trying not to lose your mind:

• Anti-Depressant
• Muscle Relaxer
• Migraine Medication
• Interstitial Cystitis Medication
• Hypersomnia Medication (to stay awake)
• Brain/Nerve Conduct Medication (like anti-seizure)
• ADD Medication (to channel the Hypersomnia medication effects)
• Medication for random pain management
• Heat/cooling therapy
• The list goes on

See what I mean? Try making all of those work together every single day. It takes time, and for me that time was most of 2011. And the thing about MS is that the symptoms are constantly changing, so what medication works this month may not work next month if anything changes. What does that mean? It means II better pray long and hard that there are no side effects from the new introduction of new medicine or withdrawal from the ceasing to take the old medicine.

The #1 KEY to taking all of this every day is MANAGEMENT, MANAGEMENT, MANAGEMENT. Strictly documenting everything, so that if I have some adverse effect, I can help to narrow down which one is causing it. And by adverse effect I mean nausea, fatique, grogginess, dizziness... I have to be able to function as well as possible, and I've had to build up a decent tolerance to each drug. And I have to responsibly monitor each medication to ensure that the tolerance stays at the right place, making TIME MANAGEMENT crucial.

Needless to say, I've spent the better part of 2011 being poked, prodded, tested, watched, and monitored. And thankfully, God is making everything come together just in time for the New Year... now do you soo why it's so important for me to get off on the right foot?

First things first: When you're struggling to climb out of a hole of depression, you can easily sink back further down before you realize it. I REFUSE to do that, so I am starting a crazy little thing for myself called: The Good Day Project. See, I am so scheduled in my own weird way that I can almost trick myself into following my own rules (yes, I know it's strange). In 2011, 15 out of 20 days were just low low low and I honestly had a hard time finding reasons to make them any higher.

2012 Solution: The Good Day Project
I have one of those little mini planner/calenders and I have already filled it up with so much inspiration! There are certain days each month that are designated to be GOOD DAYS, no matter WHAT HHAPPENS that day. So what does this mean? One of my problems stems from feeling overwhelmed a LOT of the time. I never used to get overwhelmed, but that's one of the biggest personality changes for me now, because the slightest change in plans can make me panic. On the designated GOOD DAYS, when I feel overwhelmed all I have to do is remind myself that I promised myself that I would have a good day that day, and if I let me down, what will all of the rest of the GOOD DAYS in the year mean?

Sounds simple, but to someone who's actively trying to make a normal life again, this is a BIG deal. The point is to start out with a few good days a month and gradually, as the year passes, I want to start to have more GOOD DAYS than bad until, at the end of the year, I have almost nothing but AWESOME DAYS. I know no one has good days every single say, so I'm planning for that. But the 2012 year will be a year of "Finding the new me, figuring out who I really am now, being normal again. I will never be the old Chelsea, and I can't go back in time. But I want to learn who I am now. And yes, brain lesions are brain trauma, which do cause personality changes. While I still have the same values and love, my interests, talents, needs, and wants have changed drastically.

  Now, I obviously don't want to be too optimistic so I'm starting out in January for one designated GOOD DAY each week. All of the other good days that run my way are bonus days. February, I start with two GOOD DAYS a week, and March goes to three and so on. The weird thing is, I found myself making little "rules" about which days could be designated as GOOD DAYS...

For example, Holidays don't count, because those are already good days in my book, because I get to spend time with people I love. Close friends and family member's birthdays don't count, because they're a given that they're going to be good, because I'm going to be trying to make that day special for them. Weekends don't count, because I'm also with people I love. Do you see the trend I made for myself, even though I didn't realize it at the time. My designated GOOD DAYS were only the days that I would be spending alone. And there lies my problem. Solution?

On the GOOD DAYS, I plan to do more than just make it "good." I plan to spend about an hour or two doing something that makes me happy that day, something that relaxes me that has nothing to do with stress. For me, it may be making a scrapbook page, painting, making jewelry, or even writing in my blog. I promise to keep you updated! When I realized that the GOOD DAYS were days that I was alone, I realized that I was starting something a little more important than just having a good day... I was starting a little project to spend some time on myself. I was starting an actual project for one year that I really want to finish. To me, it's more than just having a GOOD DAY... it's finding out what makes me happy again. I can't wait for the new year to begin! 
 

I am Chelsea, and I am a Procrastinator with ADD

Merry Christmas Everyone! Do you like the title of this blog entry? I hope you do, because it is SO TRUE! I have serious ADD, otherwise known as Attention Deficit Disorder, and it severely hampers my ability to do just about anything in a reasonable manner and on time. Getting distracted is the very least of my problems, because my crazy condition goes much further than that. MUCH deeper.

Usually people with ADD or ADHD get distracted from their initial task very easily. It's not the fact that I get distracted from what I'm doing that is so crazy... it's what distracts me. Normally, people with ADD will be walking through the bedroom to go fold clothes and see a book or video game that catches their attention and distracts them and off they go to play. Not me. I'll be walking through the house to go fold clothes and see a James Patterson commercial about his new book and then randomly decide that very moment is the PERFECT opportunity to grab a stack of paper and start writing that book I've never planned to write. You know, the book that I don't have in my head that would most definitely become a best seller? Seriously? What is my deal?

In the middle of cooking dinner, I'll be measuring flour and suddenly, BAM! That seems like the perfect time to cut out some vinyl letters and label my measuring cups. Or I'll be washing clothes, and I'll start computing the cost of laundry detergent which sparks a google witch hunt for homemade laundry detergent recipes that will never get made. (Although, I must add that I DID actually make 5 gallons of homemade laundry detergent ONE time, and it was VERY wonderful and it worked like a charm! I got to trip over the 5 gallon bucket for 4 months as I hobbled over the mountain of clothes to do laundry.)
 
 

 


I've tried Adderall, and it made me extremely edgy and anxious, so that was a No-Go. Now, I'm on a similar drug called Focalin, and it does seem to work a lot better as far as keeping me awake and somewhat better with focusing. I guess lately I've actually been doing a lot better with the whole "Can't maintain focus" thing, luckily. If I hadn't wrangled some kind of control over my ADD I would have never wrapped the first Christmas gift, because I would have decided to hand make the wrapping paper or something crazy like that. It seems like I have the hidden mentality that if it's not extraordinary then it doesn't count. Is that realistic? Not hardly, although I DID make all of my gift tags!

My curse: I was given a vision. A vision of what "Could Be." The curse? I was also given the inability to channel that vision to one item and EXECUTE the "Making it Be" part of the equation.
 
 

One thing I credit for my recent gain of control over my ADD is a new book I bought about a week and a half ago. And I bought it out of desperation, because when you live like this, unorganized, it seems like you don't have control over one single aspect of your life. One thing I learned that made me feel better: A LOT of this inability to control my ADD is caused by my brain lesions affecting the executive functions in my brain, because of the location of the lesions. Whew! It's not ALL me... although some of it is laziness I have to admit.
 
 

The book is called Procrastination: Why You Do It, What To Do About It NOW! And it's an AMAZING book that I highly recommend to anyone who has issues with time management, procrastination, finishing projects, depression, ADD, or ADHD in general. It is written by Jane B. Burka and Lenora M. Yuen. One of the best parts about the book is that the authors are habitual procrastinators as well, so they understand what the reader feels like. They use their personal experience to help you not only understand what the problem is and medical causes, but also how to remedy this loss of control over your life and gain your self-worth back. Self help book, yes. Am I thankful for it, definitely. (There were over 150,000 copies sold, so they must be doing something right.)
 
 

Below is the link to purchase the book for $10.85 if you are interested (and it is SO worth it)! It is also available at Books-A-Million.

http://www.procrastinationisfun.com/procrastination-books/
They said that they held Procrastinator's Anonymous meetings to help gain more information while writing this book, and the meetings were from 9 a.m.-11 a.m. I thought it was hilarious that they said that was a horrible time to hold the meeting, because all of the people that were attending had issues with procrastination, and they all didn't show up until 10 a.m. anyway. (I totally understand this, because I am usually late for everything!)

Since I have been reading the book, I have been through two highlighters, and I've been on time and finished more projects that I have total in the past year. It's AMAZING, and if a book can help my butt be on time... it can help you too. (Chapter 16 is called: Tips for Procrastinators with ADD and Executive Dysfunction.)


I learned that self-monitoring is very important when you are trying to be on time, and people with either of these disorders have issues with this (I have both.. yay me!) I also learned that if you are like this, every single decision point represents a potential diversion from whatever path you are on. As Ned Hallowell said, "The devil does reside in the details in the land of ADD."
 
 

Another tip I've learned is,"Don't try to be good at what you're bad at. Get better at what you're good at." (by Ned Hallowell and coauthor John Ratey) To boost your attitude and inspiration, find what you're good at, and do it more! (Sounds good to me... even if it is funky dancing... haha)


FINAL POINT: You have a choice. You can delay, or you can act!
 
 

I choose to act. And to all you readers, if you are a procrastinator like me, BUY THIS BOOK. If you are an organizational wonder-person, please give me your ideas, tips, and strategies. All of them will not work for me, but some of them definitely will. And just knowing you care will mean the world and inspire me as well.
 
 

FYI: This is NOT my brain... Ironically, I can't figure out how to save my own brain scans from the disc, because of the system they used to download them. As soon as I can learn how to do it, you can bet that I'm going to share my BIG beautiful brain with you. It's proof... I have one! haha. Seriously, this picture shows you what a brain with MS looks like with lesions (the white spots). I have four lesions... this person has more than I do. And... because of my lesions, I have more color in my brain than just that dull gray color.. I have white polka dots! How cool is that... which means.. my brain is prettier than yours! haha... Gotta have humor in it!
 
 

Well, enough procrastinating! Off to finish my daily goals!