I Prayed. God Listened and Answered. Again.

This picture was taken of Izzy and Me Goofing Around TWO summers ago... Where does the time go? Our lives have changed so much!

Good Morning Friends! The house is still quiet this morning, and I'm taking advantage of the calmness. 

God definitely hears our prayers! Long story short, I was talking to Scott a few days ago and I was talking about fears about trying 150% to really make my jewelry business work. I told him about how stressful it was for me to list all of the changes I need to make to REALLY call myself "working" and how difficult it would be to work hard enough to keep consistent sales that are high enough to sustain a real viable jewelry business. I finally just laid it all out on the table for him: My Fears, My Insecurities, and My Anxieties about my recent decision to turn my Jewelry Designs from my current "Facebook Hobby/Shop" and Etsy Shop to a "Real Business" with taxes and invoices and consistency and insurance...and that's where my eyes fog over every time. 

Alabama Glass Necklace and Matching Earrings Set: PRICE $35

Some of the topics we talked about included:

• My fears about PHYSICALLY being able to actually PROVIDE the services I commit to offer and being able to rely on my body to not let me down.
• This stems from my fears and past experiences with Multiple Sclerosis and worrying about not being able to control the symptoms of my disease. I hate to admit, but there have been quite a few delayed package shipments, unreturned phone calls, and procrastinating working on orders that resulted in low customer service in the past year.
• While a lot of this irresponsibility can be blamed on the MS effects and my deep depression last year, I have to take appropriate credit for some of it on my "normal" shoulders. The honest truth is: my fears of disappointing customers or failing to thrive have ironically "paralyzed" my Creative "Side" many times. As a result, while I have received consistent positive feedback from customers that love their purchases, I'm sure they were annoyed with me for my lack of organization and unprofessional attitude. Honestly, I'm tired of doubting myself and dragging my heels, both of which cause my stomach to be in knots from guilt and worry. 
• How overwhelmed I am with the "Business Side" of starting a business. It seems like one thing leads to another. 
• For example, saying that I'm setting up my "Business Taxes" means that I'm having to learn all about sales tax, collecting and paying, how much to collect, paying unemployment taxes, when to pay the IRS, what I can deduct, Employment Identification Numbers (or if I even need one if I'm don't have employees NOW) but might in the future, and the list goes on and on... see what I mean?
• Slowly but surely building an inventory of thousands of different types of beads is a great accomplishment for me, but using so many types of components is difficult to track. How do I manage my inventory? How do I track sales? How do I price each piece to track AND ensure that I'm not losing money. What software programs are recommended by other "beaders" and how much does it cost? Will I be able to afford it? How difficult is the software to learn to use to benefit my business, and how long will it take me to learn how to use it?
• What exactly do I want to sell? Who are my target customers? I can't be everything to everyone, but what exactly do I want to be? What services will I offer? Should I sell exclusively online, or at craft shows, or sell wholesale to retail shops, or Etsy, or just Facebook?
• What are my goals? I can't start out doing everything I have in mind right away, so what am I going to start with? How big do I want my business to be? Do I always want to be working from home or would I like to eventually expand to a physical retail store? If I want a physical store, what city would I want it to be in? Will I physically AND mentally be able to run a business from a new location? Can I rely on my body to work for me on a consistent basis? How will I build my business?
• How can I plan NOW for the Christmas Rush to ensure that I won't run out of inventory like last year? What should I be doing NOW to be prepared for a boost in sales? Should I start to find someone that can work with me this year during the crazy Holiday busy time so I'm not scattered in 50 places like I was last year? Who would I find to help me, since I now live in a new city and I don't know anyone around me? How can I take advantage of the Holiday season and make the most of my holiday time, an opportunity to possibly reach my biggest sales for the entire year. How do I plan for slow sales after Christmas? What Craft Shows will I do next year? 

Those are just a few random things that I spewed out when I broke down to Scott the other day. 

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Scott "did what he does best" and kind of looked through all of the "static" I was freaking out about and asked me two simple questions: 

1. Do I use my time each day in the best way possible and work hard to sell my jewelry or am I wasting a lot of time? I had to be honest, and say that I waste a lot of time and I'm making horrible use of my time all day. So he replied, "Well, there you go. You only have yourself to blame for not selling as much jewelry as you would like to." 
2. He said, "I hear you talk about blogging and posting information online, but are you really trying to "sell" your jewelry or just talk about it?" ... I didn't like hearing what he said, but I had to give it to him: He had a point.

This is my Business Accountant, Kim... who is also my beautiful Mama! (She really is an accountant:)

I stood there, running his reply over a few times in my head, and I looked at him and explained this to him:

             When I worked my craft show booths a few weeks ago, my confidence soared, along with my productivity, my energy, and my outlook on everything in my life, both business and personal, was uplifted. I was getting a lot of positive feedback Face-To-Face, and I could study behaviors to decipher the negative feedback and make improvements. I learned more in three weeks than I have over the past year, just from customer interaction face-to-face, something I'm obviously lacking selling exclusively online. I have about a month between my last craft show and my next craft show, and in that downtime lately, my confidence has gone back to my previous bottomed-out state and I've started doubting myself again.

The good news is that my recent craft show experiences gave me a tiny taste and showed me something: I CAN sell my jewelry and there ARE people out there that will buy my designs. But if I don't put myself and my business out there, they're not going to come looking for me.

This is me, Chelsea, setting up for one of my craft shows!

After pausing for a bit, I said, "I have some jewelry from my last craft show that is still packed up in my bins, and I've never photographed it. No one even knows that I have these pieces, and I feel like if I list them on Facebook, I might sell a few pieces. I just have to FORCE myself to take the photos and then edit all of them, upload the photos to an album and take the time to price and describe each piece, respond to customer comments and replies quickly, and make necessary jewelry get my orders in the mail. And when that suffocating grip of doubt and fear starts to creep up and paralyze me again and again, I have to be strong enough to push it back." His response was something like, "Well, there you go." 

I just told myself that "It's all or nothing from this point on." 

I spent many hours for the rest of the day and half of the night pulling out ALL of the jewelry I had already made, took photographs, edited each piece, sometimes multiple photos for one piece,  uploaded pictures to Facebook, Started Pricing, and just tried to aggressively be productive, probably doing more work in one day than I would usually do in one month. It was awesome for my body, providing me with a confident boost of energy to see myself being productive, and it also gave Scott an opportunity to see that the "Process" of listing items isn't quite as easy and fast as it sounds... and that doesn't include the design process, shipping process, or buying supplies process... or the business process.

I can't tell you how many times I've asked myself..."Can I do this?"

That night when I laid down and started to say my prayers, I was pretty frank with God. I asked for His guidance and asked Him to let me know if this was the path He had planned for me. While I have felt like it is indeed in His overall plan for me to start my own jewelry business, I needed a little sign of confirmation. It was more like, "God, if I'm headed down the right path, please let some of my new jewelry sell to let me know that I'm going the right direction. If I'm completely going backwards, I'll stop with this whole "Starting a Jewelry Business" deal and move on."

I have always believed that God answers prayers, but I'm still amazed at how specific He has been as He's answered my prayer this week, more than I could have ever imagined. In the past 3 DAYS, I've sold more jewelry through my Facebook Shop and through Custom Jewelry Orders than I did at all THREE of my craft shows combined! I even sold the Whimsical Little Tray below in my Etsy Shop yesterday. I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I can smile in relief. Our Awesome Customers we've had so far this week just don't know how much of an answer to prayer they are! I really do feel like I'm blessed, and I just feel... Loved!

Am I still scared? More than ever. Am I going to give this EVERYTHING I can... and maybe a little more? I have to... for my own sanity.

You know that old song you hear in church sometimes... I think it's called "Love Lifted Me?" Well, that's exactly how I felt this morning when I woke up... and the tune is only playing louder in my head as the morning wears on! My confidence has definitely "Lifted" and I give complete credit to "Love" ...God's love, that is.

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Have a great rest of the week! (Oh, and if you haven't already, I'd love for your to browse through my designs and SHARE my Facebook Shop on your wall for friends and family to see as well! Thanks so much!)

-Chelsea

My Plan for the New Year... Or Plan(s)

Well the new year is rapidly approaching... Act Surprised.  I'm sorry, haha, but I just had to write that last sarcastic line, because the sentence before it is one of those "Duh! No, Really?" lines. 

• I'm not sure if you have noticed before now, but I try to write to you like I would if I were actually talking to you. Therefore, I really try hard not to erase the stupid lines or sentences that I might not have thought through all the way. Why? Because if I was actually talking to you in person, I would have actually said the sentence without thinking. Does this make sense to anyone? Bottom Line: This is me. These words are mine. I admit that I can speak before I think, or in this case, write before I think. And I'm not erasing it just to make myself look like I'm totally together all the time. Cause I'm not. Hardly ever.  

On to our BIG topic today: Do you have any great new years resolutions? Yes, I'm sure there are the usual resolutions like:

• I'm going to lose 50 pounds this year.
• I'm going to join a gym and go 5 days a week. (DON'T sign a contract!)
• I'm going to pay off my credit card debt.
• I'm going to floss twice a day

Ok, well maybe that last one has never crossed your "Resolution List," but hey, you never know. For some anti-flossers, that may be a BIG commitment.

Anyway, I've a confession... (bahaha... that made me laugh out loud, because while I meant to write "I Have" a confession, the way I wrote it sounds kind of Foreign 1920's with an accent if you say it out loud... I've a confession... lol.)

Let's try that again: I HAVE a mildly shocking confession...

Ive NEVER had a New Years Resolution before.

I say "mildly shocking," because I'm only 24, so what serious thing could I have resolved to do in my life before now... make good grades? That would be a... sometimes.

This year, I'm going to be making my first New Years Resolution, and it's a little tricky to say the least. Remember my past ADD blog entry? (If you don't, click Past ADD Blog Entry. )
Well, I haven't yet mastered the art of narrowing down my lists yet, so my New Years Resolution is actually a Master List with many other Major Resolution List topics that also have Mini Resolutions below them. Remember this:

New Years Resolution
      1.Major Topic
              1a. Mini Topic
              1b. Mini Topic
      2. Major Topic
              2a. Mini Topic
              2b. Mini Topic

Get my drift? I think the main problem stems from one main issue: I want 2012 to be SO different from what 2011 was for me. This past 2011 year was full of ups and downs, with MANY more down days than up days, and I want 2012 to be the complete opposite. I desperately want 2012 to be a wonderful year, full of so many ups that I can't even remember what it feels like to be down.

If you have followed any of my past posts, you know that I have struggled with gaining control over my Multiple Sclerosis this past year, and I was largely unsuccessful most of the time. Thankfully, God has allowed me to kind of wrap up the 2011 year with a little more closure and control than I've had all year. As a result of such a crazy rollercoaster of a year and the effects of the placement of my brain lesions, I've also struggled with depression almost consistenly for the entire year.

Many people who have never been exposed or dealt with depression don't realize how difficult it is to find the perfect medication for depression or what happens if you have a bout with a medication that seems to do more harm than good.

Now imagine this:

Imagine trying to make all of these medications work successfully together EVERY DAY, all the while trying not to lose your mind:

• Anti-Depressant
• Muscle Relaxer
• Migraine Medication
• Interstitial Cystitis Medication
• Hypersomnia Medication (to stay awake)
• Brain/Nerve Conduct Medication (like anti-seizure)
• ADD Medication (to channel the Hypersomnia medication effects)
• Medication for random pain management
• Heat/cooling therapy
• The list goes on

See what I mean? Try making all of those work together every single day. It takes time, and for me that time was most of 2011. And the thing about MS is that the symptoms are constantly changing, so what medication works this month may not work next month if anything changes. What does that mean? It means II better pray long and hard that there are no side effects from the new introduction of new medicine or withdrawal from the ceasing to take the old medicine.

The #1 KEY to taking all of this every day is MANAGEMENT, MANAGEMENT, MANAGEMENT. Strictly documenting everything, so that if I have some adverse effect, I can help to narrow down which one is causing it. And by adverse effect I mean nausea, fatique, grogginess, dizziness... I have to be able to function as well as possible, and I've had to build up a decent tolerance to each drug. And I have to responsibly monitor each medication to ensure that the tolerance stays at the right place, making TIME MANAGEMENT crucial.

Needless to say, I've spent the better part of 2011 being poked, prodded, tested, watched, and monitored. And thankfully, God is making everything come together just in time for the New Year... now do you soo why it's so important for me to get off on the right foot?

First things first: When you're struggling to climb out of a hole of depression, you can easily sink back further down before you realize it. I REFUSE to do that, so I am starting a crazy little thing for myself called: The Good Day Project. See, I am so scheduled in my own weird way that I can almost trick myself into following my own rules (yes, I know it's strange). In 2011, 15 out of 20 days were just low low low and I honestly had a hard time finding reasons to make them any higher.

2012 Solution: The Good Day Project
I have one of those little mini planner/calenders and I have already filled it up with so much inspiration! There are certain days each month that are designated to be GOOD DAYS, no matter WHAT HHAPPENS that day. So what does this mean? One of my problems stems from feeling overwhelmed a LOT of the time. I never used to get overwhelmed, but that's one of the biggest personality changes for me now, because the slightest change in plans can make me panic. On the designated GOOD DAYS, when I feel overwhelmed all I have to do is remind myself that I promised myself that I would have a good day that day, and if I let me down, what will all of the rest of the GOOD DAYS in the year mean?

Sounds simple, but to someone who's actively trying to make a normal life again, this is a BIG deal. The point is to start out with a few good days a month and gradually, as the year passes, I want to start to have more GOOD DAYS than bad until, at the end of the year, I have almost nothing but AWESOME DAYS. I know no one has good days every single say, so I'm planning for that. But the 2012 year will be a year of "Finding the new me, figuring out who I really am now, being normal again. I will never be the old Chelsea, and I can't go back in time. But I want to learn who I am now. And yes, brain lesions are brain trauma, which do cause personality changes. While I still have the same values and love, my interests, talents, needs, and wants have changed drastically.

  Now, I obviously don't want to be too optimistic so I'm starting out in January for one designated GOOD DAY each week. All of the other good days that run my way are bonus days. February, I start with two GOOD DAYS a week, and March goes to three and so on. The weird thing is, I found myself making little "rules" about which days could be designated as GOOD DAYS...

For example, Holidays don't count, because those are already good days in my book, because I get to spend time with people I love. Close friends and family member's birthdays don't count, because they're a given that they're going to be good, because I'm going to be trying to make that day special for them. Weekends don't count, because I'm also with people I love. Do you see the trend I made for myself, even though I didn't realize it at the time. My designated GOOD DAYS were only the days that I would be spending alone. And there lies my problem. Solution?

On the GOOD DAYS, I plan to do more than just make it "good." I plan to spend about an hour or two doing something that makes me happy that day, something that relaxes me that has nothing to do with stress. For me, it may be making a scrapbook page, painting, making jewelry, or even writing in my blog. I promise to keep you updated! When I realized that the GOOD DAYS were days that I was alone, I realized that I was starting something a little more important than just having a good day... I was starting a little project to spend some time on myself. I was starting an actual project for one year that I really want to finish. To me, it's more than just having a GOOD DAY... it's finding out what makes me happy again. I can't wait for the new year to begin!